I’m A Hopeless Wreck April 27, 2008

Last night the dog I’m dogsitting pooped on the carpet while I was gone, just in time for the homeowner to come home and find it.

I stopped at Sheetz to get coffee, and when I came back out to go to work, my car wouldn’t start.  I also did not have my cell phone and had to use the pay phone.  I had to call my best friend (whose number I have memorized, thankfully) and then I had to call work to tell them that I wouldn’t be coming in for a little while.  Best friend is visiting family today and is not available to cart me around town to fix my car, and so I have called other people with cars and mechanical expertise to rescue me.  My cell phone is still in my apartment, where I am not.

I know that crappy things happen to people all the time, but the frequency of crappy things happening to me convinces me that I’m totally hopeless and that everything that happens to me is a result of my irresponsibility.  That makes it even worse when I have to get people to help me, because I feel like I am making them suffer as a result of my irresponsibility.  Even when people seen happy to help, I am convinced they are inwardly pissed off at me for making them go out of their way to help.  This may or may not be true, but I hate it when I have to rely on other people when something like this happens.  It’s just upsetting.

But seriously, world, I walked around Lameburg for a whole fucking year while waiting for a car, so why can’t my car just fucking work???

And just for the hell of it, because I am feeling particularly bitchy right now, fuck you, all you people who never have anything go wrong.

At least I have money in the bank to take care of this.

I Have Lost All Motivation April 21, 2008

I have a research paper which is due tomorrow and which I have not started.  This is bad news considering I have a million other things to do tonight too.  But senioritis is biting hard and I feel absolutely no urgency to get it done.  I know I will finish it, but I’m not looking forward to the hellish night ahead of me.  Plus I keep falling asleep while I’m trying to read. 

I bought my regalia today, which is way too expensive.  I’m going to end up wearing a lot of crap (hood, stole, two sets of honors cords, two separate honors medallions).  Since I’m almost there, it’s hard for me to concentrate.  I really want to be done, but there’s waaaay too much to do before then.  So I guess I better get typing.

*Edit* at 2:20 am. 

I feel the need to periodically update with page lengths and times when I am writing papers I do not want to write.  Tonight, I finished up my research and then slept a little and then took out the dog I am dogsitting when he walked over to the couch and started whining and spewing stinky dog breath in my direction.  Then I wrote 4 pages in half an hour and now I am taking a break.

I’m Now Super Depressed April 16, 2008

Walking through those glorious stacks just kills me.  Every time.  They have super old leather bound volumes.  They have brand new books about relevant literary topics.  I swear I paid only $.15 for a bottle of water.  The coffee is better at the Panera nearby than in Lameburg.  It takes everything I have in me to come here and look at all the people and the books and the grand entrance way into the library filled with earnest-looking students and not want to kill myself.  Why did I end up at Evangelical University?  I have to think there was a reason, otherwise, I would seriously kill myself for picking a school with half the books that are contained on one floor of one library in university of my dreams.  I’m going to continue sipping on the better coffee and get some work done.

These Will Be the Longest Three Weeks of my Life April 15, 2008

I’m so ready to graduate.  It’s in only three weeks, and it couldn’t seem farther away.  I have two research papers due, both next week, neither of which I have started.  I don’t even know what I’m going to write about for one of them yet.  Oh well.  I’m going up to university-of-my-dreams tomorrow to do research.  It’s so ridiculous that this school is probably less than half the size of mine and they have at so many more books than we do.  Our library is a floor of books from the sixties; their library is a system with multiple buildings and 10 stories of books in the main one.  Every time I go there, I get super depressed.  But, ILL is pretty much ruled out at this point, so they better fucking have the books I need.

I made a to-do list today, and I have to work my ass off for the next week in order to pull all of this off.  It’s not going to be fun.  At this point in the semester, though, I’d rather be lazy and just let graduation come.  I think I should probably send out announcements, which are good for only one thing: money.  Plus, the family on my mother’s side practically has forgotten that we exist.  So, I should remind them that it’s that time again to send some cash.  My cousin, who I was really close with growing (not among the ones who’ve forgotten we exist) told me last week that she is no longer coming to my graduation.  I’m kinda pissed about this because she didn’t show up to my high school graduation either.  She said something about a concert or something, which is rather upsetting.  She said “Oh, you’ll just be spending time with your friends anyway.”  I told her that I would really like for her to be there, but she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do.  It’s just disappointing.

I just don’t want to think about the mountains of work I have to do this week and next.  Incidentally, my idiot boss just decided that he wants to start giving me hours again, and I’m working two eight hour shifts in a row this week, on Friday and Saturday, prime homework days.  I can’t argue because I need the hours.  But, seriously, I hate my fucking job.

But when I hand in these papers, it’s going to be celebration time.

In other news, I called my roommate today to tell her that it’s her turn to pick up toilet paper.  She called back and said that she would get some.  Well, she’s not here and neither is the tp.  Knowing her, she will never get it and I will, once again, have to get it myself after it runs out when I poop.  Which is what happened tonight.  Maybe I should get it and only bring it in the bathroom when I use the toilet.  That would be a good strategy.  But just so annoying to do.

Correction April 15, 2008

It turns out that I will be attending the English awards ceremony.  As much as this sounds nerdy, I’m pretty happy about it.

On Sleep April 14, 2008

I get enough sleep.  I typically get at least 8 hours per night, and I have a routine of going to bed and waking up at about the same time everyday.  You’d think that I would be ok in the sleep department.  But I’m not.  I can take naps during the day and still sleep for the regular amount of time at night.  The other problem is that I often fall asleep while I am reading, which is problematic for someone who reads for most of her homework.  For instance, yesterday, I was reading, and I feel asleep while I was reading and slept for maybe three hours.  You’d think that I would make it late into the night, which I had to do.  I drank some coffee to help with the problem, but by 1 am, I was totally out of it.  So I gave up and went to bed.  The problem was that the caffeine made it hard to fall asleep immediately.  The other problem I have is that when I wake up in the morning, my head feels like it was bashed up against a wall for most of the night.  It feels like I have an intense hangover.  Sometimes I can’t even make it across the room without nearly falling over.  I don’t know what the deal is.  Maybe I’m not getting restful sleep or something.  It’s really driving me nuts.  Not to mention that the next two weeks are gonna be hell because of all the work I have to do.

Completely Random April 10, 2008

I need to find a couch.  It looks like I’m going to stay in the current apartment, and the couches are going with my roommate.  I’m trying to find a good couch that’s not too expensive, but that really isn’t happening.  Besides the usual (craigslist and whatnot) how do I find a used couch that’s cheap but not ugly?  I found a new one that I fell in love with on Ikea, but it’s $750.  Boo.

What to Eat When You’re Poor April 7, 2008

Lately, I’ve been eating rice topped with some mixture of beans and tomatoes.  This combination can be surprisingly versatile.

Refried beans + diced tomatoes + taco mix + thyme
Red beans + diced tomatoes + allspice + thyme
pinto beans + diced tomatoes +  tofu + allspice + thyme

Put these combinations on top of rice.

See how versatile?

Also, try pasta.

Cheese is too expensive, so don’t try that.  Vegetables can be expensive, depending on what kind you buy.  If you do, you’ll have to stick with the simplicity of carrots or broccoli.  Don’t even think about asparagus.  Also, don’t go near the snack aisle, as you’ll end up getting broker and fatter.  Sadly, beer is out of the question, unless you want Natural Ice or something else equally as disgusting and not worth the cheapness.  Incidentally, tofu is cheap as well.  It’s best to stick with things in cans, as two cans can cost under $1.00 and make a huge meal with leftovers.

The goal is to feel full and to make slight variations day-to-day in order to feel like you’re actually eating something different than you did yesterday.  Spices help with this, but you should hope that they’re already in your pantry, because spices are expensive- typically $5 a pop.  That’s almost four meals!

In conclusion: cans, rice, pasta, full, flavor.

Ok, so now there’s a segment on the nightly news about an Indian Orphanage.  And now I feel guilty for writing this.  Incidentally, they also eat rice everyday.

Bouncing off the Walls April 7, 2008

I am so keyed up and jittery right now.  I set my appointment to meet with potential employer tomorrow.  So, tomorrow, I find out if I get the job I’ve been wanting.  Not only will this job set me up financially, but it will excellent on my resume and won’t be all that much work.  Plus, I will like it.  But I haven’t been this nervous and jittery since I actually participated in the activity I might get a job from.

As for Corporate Crap, which is reducing my hours down to an average of 12 per week, I am so fed up with them.  I talked to my boss about it today, and he said that since I’m leaving in 6 weeks (which I have not told him; he seems to assume this since I’m graduating) he’s “phasing me out” and spending hours training the newbies.  To this I replied that I still have bills to pay, but he doesn’t care, since I’m leaving soon.  So, thanks for working for us for almost two years, and screw you.  I really want to just explode on him at the injustice of doing that to me, but I can’t since it might backfire later and since I really am looking for another job at the moment and don’t plan on staying past graduation.  But still, what am I going to do for the next month or until I find another job?  I almost feel like putting in my two weeks’ notice now and getting the hell out of there.  My boss is such a BASTARD.

Other good news, though, is that everything that is piling up on me is gradually being knocked out without much trouble.  So the taxes stuff and other things seem to be working out well.

But ugh, I really, really, really want to beat up my boss.  I seriously hate that man, and I’m tired of dealing with him.  I think I’m going to call out on Saturday because I have other things to do.  Screw them.

Once Again Confronted with my Multiple Failings April 5, 2008

Ugh.  This week has sucked big time.  I had a huge thing with my roommate again which was incredibly ridiculous and stressful.  There were things that were my fault, but mostly it was just hugely overblown and ridiculous.  My dad had to intervene.  That whole thing was really surprising.  My dad was actually fabulous and really helpful and reassuring.  He wasn’t put out like I thought he was.  Most of that was probably my imagination, because I have become accustomed to getting yelled at every time I ask for money.  Plus, it just makes me feel like a kid again (and this is something I really don’t need help with).  Anyway, I was really pissed about the whole thing, but Roommate did something surprising and made me not want to hate her for a while.  I just can’t figure the girl out.  At least I can stop trying after May is over.

Anyway, I topped off the week with getting smashed and then mildly hungover the next day.  It would have been better if there had been people there, and not the dog I was dogsitting, who made feel guilty with his sad puppy eyes.