We Are Nowhere, And It’s Now June 5, 2008

Ok, so I’m more human than I was yesterday.  I actually secured an interview today, and I have promise of another one.  So we’ll see how that goes.  I also put in an app with a temp agency.  Then I went and read at Panera for a while, and to my surprise, I got through a ton of The Mill on the Floss.  I was starting to lose hope for that book.  But it’s looking up, especially as Maggie Tulliver’s life gets more and more conflicted.  I hear she drowns herself, which makes me kinda depressed, but it also makes me want to finish the book.  Then i went and did something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.  I drove up into the mountains and sat on a bridge and didn’t think too much.  I just kinda sat there and took some pictures and enjoyed the peace.  It was so wonderful and quiet, and the light was perfect: it was right after the sun set behind the mountains.  And besides, it was 25 miles both ways, which gave me some quiet driving time.  Nothing will chill me out faster than driving a car with some good music playing.  So that’s what I did.  I guess I spent more money than I should have today.  It’s just so sad that one of my favorite pasttimes happens to cost an arm and a leg per gallon.  I wish gas could go back to $1.35 per gallon, like it was when I started driving.

Tomorrow I have to work at Corporate Crap, and I’m really not looking forward to it, even though I know I need to work so I can pay my bills.  I figure that if I get a job anywhere else, I’m going to say goodbye without any two weeks notice.  They screwed me over so many times that I don’t feel like going through the trouble of keeping them happy when I have something better.  But who knows.  Maybe I won’t get anything better. 

When You’re Money’s Gone, and You’re Drunk as Hell June 4, 2008

Corporate Crap continues to schedule me for only 16 hours a week.  This is bad for multiple reasons.  One is that I can’t pay my bills as it is, so if they cut my hours, I’ll be even more screwed.  Two is that the $700 that I owe Evangelical Institution is legit.  And I owe it by June 30th.  They tell me that they won’t set up a payment plan because the deadline for setting one up was April 20.  I tell them that I didn’t know that I owed anyone that much until the beginning of May.  I might have to put all of it on a credit card.  All I have to say is this: fuckers.  Subsequently I have done two things: I have looked for another job and I have put myself in the mindset that I can’t spend money on anything other than absolute necessities.  I immediately broke that rule by buying 8 episodes of The Tudors on Amazon Unbox which I spent last night and today watching.  If I shouldn’t spend money on gas, and I can’t really go anywhere without spending money, I’ll just stay home and spend money.  Makes sense, right?  I was ultra-lazy today because I got up at 2pm because I was up til 4 am last night watching The Tudors.  I should’ve just read a damn book.  I tried that also today, but I just fell asleep.  I also took a bath, which is something I haven’t done in a while.  The damn tub was really annoying becuase the stopper doesn’t work very well.  It kept leaking and I kept having to fill it up.  I could go out and buy a stopper, but that involves MONEY.  Water is free.  Anyway, the bath was relaxing.

Having super-bad money issues like this and being faced with 16-hour work weeks is way too much to deal with.  It makes me shut down and do things like watch The Tudors all day long.  I can think about someone else’s drama instead of my own.  The most troubling thing is that I shut down when things like this happen instead of taking initiative and going out and doing something about it.  Granted, I did go job hunting, but you’d think that something of this type of urgency would inspire some action appropriate to the level of urgency.  But that doesn’t happen with me, and I hate myself for it.

Bouncing off the Walls April 7, 2008

I am so keyed up and jittery right now.  I set my appointment to meet with potential employer tomorrow.  So, tomorrow, I find out if I get the job I’ve been wanting.  Not only will this job set me up financially, but it will excellent on my resume and won’t be all that much work.  Plus, I will like it.  But I haven’t been this nervous and jittery since I actually participated in the activity I might get a job from.

As for Corporate Crap, which is reducing my hours down to an average of 12 per week, I am so fed up with them.  I talked to my boss about it today, and he said that since I’m leaving in 6 weeks (which I have not told him; he seems to assume this since I’m graduating) he’s “phasing me out” and spending hours training the newbies.  To this I replied that I still have bills to pay, but he doesn’t care, since I’m leaving soon.  So, thanks for working for us for almost two years, and screw you.  I really want to just explode on him at the injustice of doing that to me, but I can’t since it might backfire later and since I really am looking for another job at the moment and don’t plan on staying past graduation.  But still, what am I going to do for the next month or until I find another job?  I almost feel like putting in my two weeks’ notice now and getting the hell out of there.  My boss is such a BASTARD.

Other good news, though, is that everything that is piling up on me is gradually being knocked out without much trouble.  So the taxes stuff and other things seem to be working out well.

But ugh, I really, really, really want to beat up my boss.  I seriously hate that man, and I’m tired of dealing with him.  I think I’m going to call out on Saturday because I have other things to do.  Screw them.