It’s Incredible What a Little Money and a Plan Can Do for Your Peace of Mind April 18, 2009

I’ve been doing a lot better lately.  Several things have happened to make this possible:  I’m working full weeks now, which means more money, and I’m going to grad school for sure.  I made my decision as to where that would be on Tuesday, and I haven’t felt that happy in a very, very long time.

I mean, the last few months SUCKED.  I was in such a horrible emotional state, and I was constantly worried about my future and about how the hell I was going to survive.  I lost 10 pounds.  I just felt like shit most of the time.  Not to mention that I thought my mother was going insane (she may have been).  It felt like my life was going downhill ever since November when I got laid off.  Thank god they’re making enough money now that they can afford to pay me for more than half time every week.  I just had to prove to them that they need me around, and that I did.  Getting another job and being able to use that as leverage didn’t hurt either.  But in quick succession, this was what my life looked like from November on:  laid off, going home for Thanksgiving, car crapping out, crazy roommate drama, finding out that my mom never told me about her engagement (the subsequent wedding is something I’ll have to get into later), not being able to pay bills, breaking up with The Lawyer, car crapping out some more, etc, etc.  The only bright spot in there was getting accepted to grad school.  That helped a lot (I cried a ton when I found out) but it doesn’t do anything to help the immediate situation of being poor and sad.  It was also coming off the incredible high of thinking that I was getting a full time job, the election, and meeting The Lawyer.  Life seemed ok until November.

So, I am actually current on all my bills now.  It’s amazing.  I’m not waking up in the middle of the night in terror anymore because my bills are all paid off.  It’s seriously incredible what having money can do for your state of mind.  Mine was in rough shape.  I also got my tax refund, which helped a lot, and I got reimbursed for my campus recruitment visit.  I actually have money in the bank that lasts til the next paycheck.  So I can start paying off some other debt that I have, which also feels really good.  I honestly love paying my bills.  I love being able to do that, even if it means I don’t have any money left over.  The not being able to pay my bills was killing me.  I even got to buy some new books.  That was awesome.

And I’m going to grad school.  I’m not putting the name up here because I want this blog to remain semi-anonymous to outsiders, and I don’t want to be google searchable on big things.  But it’s decently ranked, an R1, has a great program that’s not too pretentious, and I loved it when I visited.  I’m especially excited to work with a certain professor, who seems excited to work with me.  We met when I visited, and she emailed me and the Graduate Director has told me multiple times that she asks him about me.  It feels good to be recruited, I’m not going to lie.  It also feels good to have an Oxford Rhodes scholar take interest in me too.  I don’t want to get too hubristic, but I’m really excited.  I never expected this to happen, really.  I never expected to get into a good school, get fully funded with a GA position, health insurance, and a fellowship.  It seriously baffles my mind.  To think that next year I’ll actually be doing this; I’ll actually be teaching and having office hours–it’s something that I didn’t really think was possible.  I’m too hard on myself most of the time.  I especially got freaked out when the economy went to shit.  I think that affected my entire app process perhaps, but I’m so glad I got into at least one great program.  This has helped me to feel not so purposeless anymore.  After I lost my job, I felt truly useless and felt like there was no real future.  Now there is one.  I’m starting to plan- looking for apartments, looking into the area and what not, and it’s exciting.  My dad is starting to get excited too.  We’re planning the move together because he’s coming with me. 

I feel really privileged and humbled to be able to go to school again.  I know that when things get tough and I’m really busy with studying, I’ll know what it’s like to be on the other side.  I’ll be so thankful to be doing something that I love.  I’m going to hang a sign on my computer that says “Remember last year?  Stop whining.”

As for The Lawyer, that whole thing has gotten better.  It was very hard initially, for reasons that I don’t really feel like writing on here.  They’re just too private.  It was strange to have someone around a lot and then have him disappear.  There are still times when I’ll think of something that I want to tell him that I just couldn’t tell anyone else who’s around here, and that will make me think of him and get a little sad.  But overall, knowing that I made the right decision there and then have that validated by getting into school helped a lot.  I’m very satisfied with being single right now, as I am most of the time.  It’s just that every once in a while someone comes along who is actually worthwhile to date, and that complicates my very happy single life.  I think the reason that most of my breakups are so hard is that I have very high standards, and so the people I choose to get involved with end up meaning a lot to me.  Of course there are exceptions to this rule (two come to mind).  But I think that could be the reason.  I’m not so sure.  It could just be that getting emotionally involved with someone is easier when they’re not stupid.  But I probably need to stop being incredibly attracted to atheists who are older than me/have reasons why we can’t be together.  I’d like to be incredibly attracted to someone with long-term possibilties.  But until then, I just don’t feel like messing with guys right now.  It’s just not worth the effort at this point.  I would like to have sex, though.  Alas.

Either way, I’m feeling much, much better about my life now.  It took a while, and the intervening time was about as shitty as it can possibly get.  But I guess I survived, I learned from it, and I have much better times coming up.  We can only hope.

I Need to Purge my Mind January 19, 2009

There are times, honestly, when I feel like my life is going to go down in a dramatic, flaming mass.  There are other times when I feel like my life will just go down quietly except for the people on the side clicking their tongues at me saying that I didn’t try hard enough.  There are very, very few times in my life when I feel like things will turn around and that my life will actually get better.  Whoever said that money doesn’t buy happiness was completely WRONG.  Money buys a whole lot of fucking peace of mind.  Something that I haven’t had for months.  I would be able to pursue my romantic ideas of saving up mental energy for grad school and reading tons of books if I wasn’t wasting so much mental energy thinking about how, once again, I’m not going to make enough money to pay all my bills and keep my credit score up so I can do things like get another car which I need or take out school loans if I need to or maybe buy a house someday and whatnot.  Lately, I’ve been really wishing that I would’ve thought about moving in with my dad after I graduated.  This is so stressful that I can’t move sometimes.  And I feel like there is absolutely no one that I can fall back on.  I have considered moving to my dad’s, but I can’t do that because it would leave my roommate in a tough spot, and I think that would be the last straw for our friendship.  I can’t also because I have absolutely no money to move, I have no clue what I would do with all my stuff or how I would get it all the way to the midwest, and I would have to start all over again to try to find another job.  Not to mention that my car would never make it all the way out there.  So I just have to deal with all this.  But I feel like I have failed and that I’m a deadbeat and that my life is not moving forward right now.  I would give anything to deal with the stresses of school again if I didn’t have to deal with this.  I’m potentially destroying my entire future.  I can’t sleep at night.  Not to mention that I’m so stressed that I can hardly read anymore; I only feel like watching movies.

Job:

I got laid off in November, and it’s been two months without steady employment.  I’ve been working, and sometimes it’s enough, but most of the time it is not.  I have not been able to find another job at all, and not for lack of trying.  I’m interviewing right now for a good job, and I find out whether or not I move on the interview process in a few days.  But I’m not holding out much hope, even though I’ve made it this far in the interview process.  I’ve been working part time at financial company, and I’m thinking about asking if I can have more hours, since they said they want to hire me back anyway and they want me around.  I need more hours.  Plus the law firm promised me hours but then said they were cutting back their payroll and they call me every once in a while to work for 5 hours at a time.  It sucks.  I know that most of this is because of the economy and that’s out of my control.  I couldn’t have known this was going to happen.  But it’s truly terrifying.  I call my temp agency regularly, so has said that it is sending out my resume to companies and is trying.  A local restaurant keeps stringing me along.  I apply for jobs regularly.  I just want to stop feeling like a slacker.  I want my paycheck to pay the bills.  What am I doing wrong?

Bills

Not to mention rent, electric (which has been insane lately), cable, phone, gas, groceries, the stuff I need just to stay alive, I also have my credit card bill and school loans are now due.  I got an email today saying that if I didn’t pay my school loan pronto, it would be reported to the credit agency.  So I called them and asked what I had to do to get my account to current.  The bill was over $500.  I almost had a cow.  I. don’t. have. that.  So I told them that I lost my job recently and that I’m applying to graduate school and I plan on being in school in the fall.  So THANK GOD they told me about this thing called forebearance, which means that I don’t have to pay my federal loan, only my small, private loan, until December.  That brought the amount down to $108 to get current.  I can do that, but it’s probably going to screw me over majorly.  At least that brings down the monthly payment from $250 to $50.  And my loan really isn’t that big at all.  It’s just there.

Car

My car’s transmission is gone to crap.  I can still drive the car, but I have no clue when it’s going to stop working, so I’m looking for another car.  Since I got rear-ended in November, I have an insurance check that can help me make the downpayment.  I also have money in money markets which I could use as well.  I kind of wish that I had a job nearby so I could walk so I wouldn’t have to worry about the car.  But I don’t so I can’t do without transportation.  I don’t think that putting a grand into my ghetto car would be worthwhile, so I figure I’ll just get  another one.  But this might be harder than expected.  I can’t afford another monthly payment unless I get this job, and most of the cars that are within my very small budget have things wrong with them like the transmission or the head gasket or the brakes.  I can’t afford to pay for repairs.  Plus there’s all the fees that come along with a new car.  I just might have to break down and get the transmission fixed.  But then I would have the crappy bumper on my car for eternity.  I honestly don’t know what to do here.  What would be the better option?  I’m pretty sure that either one, knowing my luck, will result in me getting screwed over.  I don’t hope that things will go right for me anymore.  If I get the car fixed, the engine will probably go out next.  If I get another car, there will be another big repair on it.

Grad School

Illinois was one big screw up.  They offered me the free app, so I did it, but I made sure they didn’t require the subject test before I applied.  I looked, and maybe due to my cursory review or wishful thinking or just plain blindness, I didn’t see that they actually did require the subject test.  I got an email from them saying that my application wouldn’t be complete until they got the scores, and I had to explain to them that I hadn’t taken the test.  It was so embarrassing.  I’m so retarded.  Also, some of my rec letters haven’t gotten in yet.  Purdue hasn’t gotten the letter from a professor who is always on time about everything.  I’m pretty sure she sent that at least a month ago.  So either it got lost in the mail or they’re backlogged on putting things into the system.  I called, but they’re closed today.  Purdue has a really good program in what I’m interested in, and I really want to go there.   I don’t know if this destroys my chances or not.  Also, when I applied to Vandy, it was last minute and one of my profs just never sent his letter.  I hope he still can.  Not to mention that this whole process is entirely expensive, and I don’t want to waste money on it.  I don’t even what to think about what it means for my life if I don’t get in anywhere, much less if I don’t get in anywhere because of stupid things like this happening.  I guess I could just chalk that up to my sucky life, realize that things will never go the way I want despite my efforts, and go jump off a building.

 

And this doesn’t even begin to describe other problems I’m having with my mother and with other people in my life.  I wish I could just go crawl in a hole somewhere, but for now I’ll just have to be happy with pretending that there’s nothing wrong with my life, go to Panera, and block everything out and read for a little while.  That’s the one coping mechanism I have left: denial.

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Sometimes I Have Moments of Clarity December 16, 2008

I enjoy having days where I don’t feel like my life is falling apart.  Last night was kind of like that.  It helped that I got my paycheck and had money again, and so I decided to do something.  I was starving because I hadn’t eaten all day, so I went to the local mediterraean place and got a falafel wrap which was awesome.  I also rented the movie “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” at the local indie movie rental place.  I came home and watched it and made myself a gin and tonic and ate my damn wrap.  I was starting to feel good.  Then The Lawyer texted me and asked me if I wanted to go out tonight or tomorrow.  I said tomorrow, because for once in a long time, I was feeling ok about being by myself and I decided to take advantage of it.  And since I’m not working today, I figured it would be better to have something to do today.  So we’re going out tonight to a good Tex Mex place with cheap beer and then watching a movie and then fucking.  Even though all of that is good and he is good, I like having nights where I can feel ok with being alone.  It’s possible that the gin and tonic helped with that situation, but then again, I was feeling that way before I started drinking.  It also helped that I decided to get a sort-of-not-depressing movie.  Granted, the movie was depressing, but in a way that didn’t make me feel all despairing and like it’s never going to be possible to have actual relationships with people without there being betrayal and selfishness and feelings of aloneness.  I just got finished reading Tree of Smoke and I am in the middle of an intense Mad Men marathon, so I’ve been wigging out about all that and I hated it.  But I think my night of being contentedly alone made me feel a little better about the world I live in.

Plus Financial Company wants me back earlier than originally thought because they finally decided that the office is falling apart without me.  I start this week.  And I will still be working at Law Firm, so at least I’m going to be getting decent hours until the contract goes away.  It’s nice to work with people who actually care about me and value the work I do.  I think that’s why I just didn’t want to leave these people.  They, and the work I do for them, make me happy.  So why leave?  I mean, they thank me everyday, they’re teaching me new skills so they have less to do during the day, and I get to work in place I like with people I like where I don’t feel like my soul is dying.

Now I just need to stop reading depressing literature that makes me retreat into myself Jane Eyre-style.

General Malaise December 12, 2008

There are days when I think that taking a year off was a very bad decision. I know that I needed to do it for myself, but losing my job has really put my mental state in sad shape. I hate these days where I am sitting at home, even though I’m being productive. I do more job apps, I do grad school apps, I do chores, and I run errands. I have time to read. But I feel like I am doing nothing with my life right now, even though I really am. At least when I had a steady job I felt productive every day. I liked the routine. I got up, went to work, made some money and came home and did what I wanted to without feeling like crap. I’ve been watching Mad Men a lot lately too, and I hate feeling like I can relate to the housewives in that show. I literally feel sick to my stomach about it most of the time. It’s just that I feel so powerless. I’ve been having absolutely no luck finding a full-time job. I think it might be the time of the year, but seriously, I hate feeling like all the work I’m doing is coming to naught. I’m waiting for my life to get started, and I’m getting broker and more in debt doing it. I know that, no matter the circumstances, life is going to suck anyway, but I like feeling busy and having something to do constantly that feels productive. I can’t handle all this waiting around.

The good news is that former Financial Company wants me to come back in January to do what I used to do. They’re doing this in such a way that it won’t effect the contract, so I can still come back to work full-time when the contract is up. I’m also still working at the Law Office, but they reduced my hours a little, and I’m not really sure that I’m going to make enough money for next month. It’s just really stressful, and I can’t buy anyone Christmas presents this year, which just makes me feel crappy, and I need to buy a wedding present too. Plus there’s all those grad school app fees.

But the worst part about it is not the money part. I’ve dealt with that before. The worst part is feeling like I’m doing nothing with my life right now, and this feeling makes me sick to my stomach all day long. And if I’m not doing something or if I’m not with someone, I feel like I’m going to puke. I’d take back the stress of school any day rather than feel like this.

Life Likes to do This to Me November 20, 2008

Ugh, ugh, ugh.  I got laid off from my really great job on Monday.  I spent the first twenty minutes after I got out of work crying in my car, which makes it hard to drive on an interstate at night.  I spent the first 10 minutes of getting into my apartment crying, and then I spent (thankfully) 0 minutes crying when I was on the phone with The Lawyer.  I think my voice sounded weepy, but oh well.  I was very upset.  I spent all of Tuesday filling out multiple online applications, since that seems like the only way to do these things now, and I spent a decent amount of time feeling like shit and crying on Tuesday.  By Wednesday I had gotten over the mopey stage and continued filling out apps and submitting resumes.  This has resulted in 2 interviews, one “we’re reviewing your resume and will contact you if we want to interview you” and one sort-of job offer.  This lack of job is truly terrifying.  Thank goodness I started working part-time last week at a law firm that is partnered with my former place of employment.  The bad news is that it’s 40 miles away.  So I only go there 2 or 3 times a week to work all day.  Hardly pays the bills.  Besides, I really loved the place that I used to work, and I was happy every morning I got up to go there.  All I really wanted was to work there full-time.  I miss those people terribly.  That’s another reason why I was crying so weirdly.  I mean, getting me to cry is difficult at times.  I’ve been so stable lately that it was shocking to me that I was crying so much.  Anyway.

Here’s how I got screwed over.

There has been talk of hiring me full time for a long time now.  There would be meetings where they would say that they were going to talk about hiring me, and then nothing was happening, so I was living in suspense for a month.  Then, they finally had *the meeting* and subsequently said nothing.  Again.  But then the regional VP said he wanted to talk to me on Monday.  I was super nervous, and the screwy part is that I left the meeting both encouraged and totally distraught about my newly found lack of job.  He sat me down and said that good wouldn’t be the word to describe my work; awesome would be.  In his 15 years of working in the financial business, he has never had this high of a rate of client retention, and that’s because of my work.  He said he sees a future for me in this business, and he wants me to get licensed as a financial planner.  And then he laid me off.  It’s because of this stupid contract that they have between the employment agency and their company.  If they want to hire me full-time officially with their company, they have to pay the employment agency an astronomical amount of money, which is not in their budget right now.  So the only solution, since they want to hire me, is to lay me off until the contract runs out (6 months from now) and hire me again.  So they gave me 2 weeks worth of pay as severance to help me stay on my feet until I find another job, and they gave me a recommendation.  They can’t even give me job leads because of this stupid contract.  That stupid agency really has their balls in a vice grip and has screwed up my life and ability to pay for things, like food.

All in all, though, they were really good to me despite this whole thing.  The severance pay and the rec helped, and it’s encouraging to have 2 interviews lined up 24 hours into the application process.  All this happened at a bad time, because I am in the big applications push, and the credit card company keeps calling me because I can’t pay my credit card bill this month.  That added pressure doesn’t help.  They seriously call me 10 times a day.  It’s also helpful to have this other part-time job on the side so that I’m not completely destitute.  But I’m pretty sure that I’ll be eating Ramen for a while.  I know that I’m already losing weight, and I’m pretty sure I don’t eat more than 1000 calories in a day.

It’s just stressful to be looking for a job and trying to apply to grad school and wondering how I’m going to pay the bills and have people after me and all the other stuff.  I seriously didn’t think that taking a year off would be this hard.  It’s insanely difficult.  It’s been rewarding in other ways, but the job issues that I’ve been having don’t make life very easy.  I really thought that I would be making better money than I do now.  Sometimes I wish going to live at home for a year wouldn’t have been an option that would’ve driven me insane, but such is life and choosing to be on my own to keep my sanity and be independent.  It’s really been a stretching time, although I’m feeling farther from academia and from the life of thought that I used to live because I don’t have time to think when I have too many other things on my mind.  Sometimes I feel like I’m getting dumber and that I’ll have to settle for a life of less than what I want just to survive.  It’s terrifying.  Absolutely terrifying.

At the same time, though, there are people who believe in me and who are encouraging me to keep pushing to get what I want.  The rest will come.  I have to believe that at some point, I will get a job and will eventually get around to getting what I want.  I have to believe it.  Otherwise, life would be too depressing right now.

I’ve Been Kind of Blah Lately November 12, 2008

Lately I’ve felt kind of boring as a human being.  I don’t know if this has anything to do with the utter exhaustion I’ve been experiencing over the past few days, but I feel zombie-ish.  I’m hoping to use this weekend to recover.  I’m actually not doing anything this weekend, and I have no plans.  The Lawyer was actually going to be in town this weekend, but it turns out that he is going away again, so I’m free.  I suppose this is good considering that I am, after all, exhausted, and I need to finish my personal statements and writing samples, so I suppose that late nights and dating and the things that come along with that and which use up lots of energy would be inconducive to getting apps done.

But I suppose the thing which surprises me most is my even-keeled mood.  Remember the days of yore when I was the main target of everyone who wanted to entertain themselves by getting a reaction out of someone?  Those days are gone.  The Lawyer keeps trying, yet he is amazed by my lack of reaction to his various gestures such as surprise ice, ass-grabbing, etc.  Thankfully, though, he does not attempt to get a reaction out of me by saying something stupid.  I suppose this would be the best tactic.  I don’t know if I’ve ever reacted to the other stuff.  I can only blame this evenness on the residual effects of Lexapro.  Sometimes I don’t like it very much because I feel very boring.  But then I remember how I used to be and I change my mind.  Besides the Lexapro, though, I’m also no longer at Evangelical Institution, which had me in a constant state of being pissed off 24 hours a day.  The only time you can catch me angry now is when I’m commuting to work.  Most people can’t drive.

Last weekend was very strange.  I went back to Evangelical Instution so that I could get paid for doing a job for Collegiate Activity, and I really didn’t like being back there.  Not only was it weird to see how things had changed in my absence, but I also felt oppressed all over again.  I didn’t like it.  Plus Collegiate Activity is so far in my past that I’m completely over it and wouldn’t care if I never did anything with it again.  I only went so I could get money for grad school apps.  A good thing, besides payment, which resulted from my weekend was that I visted The Lawyer at his parents’ farm outside of a certain city on a certain river.  It was just us there, so various *things* happened.  These *things* keep getting better with time and practice as well.  For reasons besides these though, I really enjoy spending time with him, and he bought me a book, which is pretty much like buying me flowers.  We also lit a fire in the fireplace and read the NY Times and books until we started getting sleepy.  It was truly an enjoyable evening.  I’ve always wanted to date someone with whom I could sit around and read.  I mean, the man’s reading Paradise Lost for crying out loud, and last night we had a phone discussion about how it’s possible to have different experiences when reading the same book at different times.  There is the age difference, though, which worries me sometimes (the fact that I could possibly be rejected because I am “young”, not because I have a problem with it), and there’s the whole fact that I’m leaving in less than a year.  These things are unfortunate because I’ve never felt like I could really date most guys my age and the unfortunate fact that personal goals and school get in the way of relationship opportunities.  I can’t change my plans, though, and it’s not as if I would this early into the game.  But these facts do creep around in the back of my mind, and I’m sure they’re in his too.

I suppose the reason why I’ve been blah is that I’m just tired.  Also because I have yet to find out whether or not I get to keep my current job full-time.  The VP told me that he wants to see me tomorrow for 15-20 minutes, and I have no idea what this means, considering that he made it sound like he just wants me to help with something, but I have reasons to think that he might tell me what is up with the job:

A) They had a meeting on Tuesday in which they were supposed to discuss me.

B) Everyone’s been kind of “well, you know, it wasn’t that exciting” when I asked them how the meeting went, but considering that they told me beforehand that they were going to talk about me during the meeting, it might just be that they’re not at liberty to say.

C) The VP never asks me to help him with things.  He has assistants for that.

So tomorrow night is probably going to be a night of debauchery either way, unless he actually just wants me to put some shit in a spreadsheet.

My Life Takes a Turn for the Better June 10, 2008

Finally, finally, something good has happened.  I got a new job at the library of Evangelical Institution.  One of my friends who works there told me about a job opening and personally recommended me.  I went in this morning to fill out an application and to have an interview.  They asked me how much I knew about libraries and such, and I told them I was an English major, which lit up my interviewer’s face and pretty much guaranteed me the job, apparently.  Tonight, when I got home after 9 hours of truck at Corporate Crap, I had good news when I opened my email and found that I had been hired.  Although the job pays 20 cents less per hour than my current job at Corporate Crap, it has a fixed schedule, which means that I can keep the job at CC as a side job.  I’ll still be making more because I have a guaranteed 40 hours per week.  Plus I don’t have to work on Sundays and I get every other weekend off.  The other perfect thing is that the job is temporary, and it ends right before I move.  I can call the restaurant I was interviewing at and tell them that there’s no longer a need for the 2nd interview they had scheduled me for.  It was rather funny when I interviewed there, because the interviewer asked me what area of English I was interested in:

Me: “Modern British literature.”
Interviewer: “Oh, literature.  British?  Seems rather dull.”
Me: ”I find it to be really interesting.”

So having the job at the library is perfecto.  Plus, it seems that I’ll get to read most of the day anyway, since the library is pretty dead this time of year.

Finally, something good happens.

We Are Nowhere, And It’s Now June 5, 2008

Ok, so I’m more human than I was yesterday.  I actually secured an interview today, and I have promise of another one.  So we’ll see how that goes.  I also put in an app with a temp agency.  Then I went and read at Panera for a while, and to my surprise, I got through a ton of The Mill on the Floss.  I was starting to lose hope for that book.  But it’s looking up, especially as Maggie Tulliver’s life gets more and more conflicted.  I hear she drowns herself, which makes me kinda depressed, but it also makes me want to finish the book.  Then i went and did something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.  I drove up into the mountains and sat on a bridge and didn’t think too much.  I just kinda sat there and took some pictures and enjoyed the peace.  It was so wonderful and quiet, and the light was perfect: it was right after the sun set behind the mountains.  And besides, it was 25 miles both ways, which gave me some quiet driving time.  Nothing will chill me out faster than driving a car with some good music playing.  So that’s what I did.  I guess I spent more money than I should have today.  It’s just so sad that one of my favorite pasttimes happens to cost an arm and a leg per gallon.  I wish gas could go back to $1.35 per gallon, like it was when I started driving.

Tomorrow I have to work at Corporate Crap, and I’m really not looking forward to it, even though I know I need to work so I can pay my bills.  I figure that if I get a job anywhere else, I’m going to say goodbye without any two weeks notice.  They screwed me over so many times that I don’t feel like going through the trouble of keeping them happy when I have something better.  But who knows.  Maybe I won’t get anything better. 

Bouncing off the Walls April 7, 2008

I am so keyed up and jittery right now.  I set my appointment to meet with potential employer tomorrow.  So, tomorrow, I find out if I get the job I’ve been wanting.  Not only will this job set me up financially, but it will excellent on my resume and won’t be all that much work.  Plus, I will like it.  But I haven’t been this nervous and jittery since I actually participated in the activity I might get a job from.

As for Corporate Crap, which is reducing my hours down to an average of 12 per week, I am so fed up with them.  I talked to my boss about it today, and he said that since I’m leaving in 6 weeks (which I have not told him; he seems to assume this since I’m graduating) he’s “phasing me out” and spending hours training the newbies.  To this I replied that I still have bills to pay, but he doesn’t care, since I’m leaving soon.  So, thanks for working for us for almost two years, and screw you.  I really want to just explode on him at the injustice of doing that to me, but I can’t since it might backfire later and since I really am looking for another job at the moment and don’t plan on staying past graduation.  But still, what am I going to do for the next month or until I find another job?  I almost feel like putting in my two weeks’ notice now and getting the hell out of there.  My boss is such a BASTARD.

Other good news, though, is that everything that is piling up on me is gradually being knocked out without much trouble.  So the taxes stuff and other things seem to be working out well.

But ugh, I really, really, really want to beat up my boss.  I seriously hate that man, and I’m tired of dealing with him.  I think I’m going to call out on Saturday because I have other things to do.  Screw them.