It’s raining outside.
I got a UPS package today from my mother, who sent me all my tax crap. I’m doing my own taxes this year because I decided to be responsible and adult-like. The adult world kicks my ass. I hate dealing with all the bureaucratic shit that comes with things like taxes. I have back taxes too, because my dad insists on fucking me over financially, and I just. can’t. deal. with all of this. I’m pretty sure that no one will ever let me buy a house or a car. They’ll take one look at my financial records and they’ll point me to the nearest cardboard box.
Despite the desire (realization of duty) to be an adult, I can’t make the rent this month because Corporate Crap only scheduled me for 10 hours last week and 14 this week. Due to the fact that I’m a student, there’s not much I can do about having a crappy part-time job. I keep telling myself that I’ll look for another job, but between school and things like taxes, I’m just mentally drained. I simply don’t have energy to find a new job at this point. Either way, I’m fucked. So I had to ask my dad for rent money this month, which is just another thing that I have to worry about at this point. Plus, when I’ve talked to him about it, he sounds really put out, like “how dare she ask me for money” which just makes me feel shitty all over again.
But dammit, my mom sent me money to pay some of my other bills and to get my hair cut. So on Thursday night, in addition to getting smashed, I’ll get my hair cut and go shopping at Target with the gift card she sent me too. Amazingly, my mother listened to my whining about being an adult without getting angry at me or lecturing me, and she actually encouraged me and made me feel better about my shitty financial situation. The world really is messed up right now.
I’d like to forget that I exist and find a dark place to listen to Bon Iver. Thank God for lexapro, or I’d be in a bad place right now. March seems to be a sucky month for me in general. I should avoid it.
You know what else is fucked up? The fact that I schedule my nights to get smashed.
